The story is rather unbelievable. The only reason it is believable is because I believed.
The story is about childhood trauma, disease and healing transformation. It’s a clear and positive example of the science of Epigenetics, spirituality and metaphysics, and most importantly, one’s opening the heart to the possibility of promise and hope. It’s about inner constitution and relentless strength, determination and courage. Each of us holds the key to our transformation when we say yes to opening the doorway to our infinite possibilities just enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. May this story bring you the courage to make your unbelievable story believable.
I was diagnosed with a disease that was supposed to get worse as I got older, but against all odds, I got better. At the age of fifteen, I was diagnosed with Anterior Horn Cell disease, a progressive, degenerative neurological condition originating in the gray matter of the spinal cord, which doctors told me would leave me in a wheelchair at age twenty-five and end my life by forty. I will never forget when the chief of neurology at a prominent New York hospital, stood at the end of my bed and said in no uncertain terms, “There is nothing we can do for you, the disease will continue to spread throughout your spinal column.” At fifteen years old, I was given a death sentence that would become the basis for all my life decisions. Although a successful professional with a Master’s degree in occupational therapy, a wife and a mother of two healthy children, I always felt like damaged merchandise. I was dis-abled even if I could fool the world.
My inner story began with suffering. It took forty years of battling the effects of this crippling disease before I decided not to suffer anymore. After eighteen surgeries, and exhausting the medical field of any potential cure, I made a decision to step boldly into a world I knew nothing about-spiritual and energetic healing modalities. I understood the possibility of healing lies in the psyche and takes root where disunion between mind and body ceases to exist.
Shortly before my fiftieth birthday I looked out my glass door and said, “If I fell down I would never get up again. “I knew deep within something had to shift. I was losing my will to live. I was tired and, at that time, didn’t know there were options. All I knew was the deep physical and emotional pain I felt as I continued to witness my body deteriorate.
“Either I heal or I’m out of here,” I stated emphatically to the Universe, after a three-hour healing session with a medical intuitive/shaman/ clinical psychologist.
I began to recognize that healing was not just a physical event but rather it was soul deep, cellular in nature, and that the wounds of my heart would eventually heal every piece of my being and reveal my true self. I made a total commitment to healing; knowing with certainty there would be no short cuts, no magical cures. My belief was pure and my vision was guided. Nothing would stop me on my path.
Trauma defined my earliest beginnings. My biological father who, diagnosed with cancer at age twenty, became agitated and scared, acting out his deep confusion and pain through alcohol and women. When my mother was seven months pregnant with me, my father chased her down nine flights of stairs at gunpoint. As a result of this flight, I was born two-months premature and quickly whisked away to an incubator where I remained for three weeks. Life was chaos. My mother was young, overwhelmed and conflicted. Certainly not a birth celebrated. Clearly, this suggests a fertile environment for PTSD and trauma, both emotionally as well as chemically, due to cancer and radiation treatment.
“Cellular stress caused your hands to go inward.” --Roland Comtois.
Cellular stress and fight-flight survival re-action runs havoc on our emotional and physical bodies causing dis-ease. The personality self might not be aware but our genetic blueprint is.
Epigenetics speaks to the modification of gene expression rather than the alteration of the genetic code itself. Your DNA is still coded. The more we are consciously aware of what is happening in us, body-mind-soul, the more we can modify how this genetic imprint affects us. This is what it takes to heal deep trauma within. As we actively step into our conscious awareness, we begin to shift the emotional reaction from fight/flight, which can be incredibly restricting and debilitating, to the quieter place where our emotions regain balance as we find our way back to a place of harmony and inner peace.
The good news is we have choices. We can understand how our past traumas continue to show up in our life, generational and trans-generational, and engage in the deep healing required to change the expression of this trauma on our genetic code. This is a profound gift we are all given. When we say yes to our inner work, we experience this shift in our physical, emotional and mental bodies and modify how this expression is revealed. As we give ourselves permission to muster up just enough inner courage we make a commitment to take healing into your own hands. This is where change happens.
Conscious Healing Requires daily awareness and understanding how stressful our immediate environment is in our health because decreased stress equals decreased dis-ease. Let me give you a personal example; It became quite obvious to me that my hand functioning was my barometer in measuring internal emotional stress. To this day, my hand functioning diminishes when I’m overly stressed or triggered. In this space, which happens only in profound situations, I become a witness, literally and figuratively, to how the original trauma is being reactivated, re-enacted and re-triggered. On the other hand, when I’m calm and in alignment, there’s fluidity and ease in motion as well as with my e-motion. It’s quite apparent how stress causes my hands to become more dysfunctional.
Being an active witness to our attitude is key. While in that non-judgmental, lighthearted space, there is greater possibility to able to show up with an attitude which serves our gentle empowerment, while using heightened awareness as a tool to shift from old reaction to new expression.
4 ATTITUDE CHECKS:
1. Acknowledge these emotional stresses, triggers, or pings arise and, when possible, respond from a centered, responsive place, not reactive.
2. Respect the fact that this is happening now and find your quiet within through breathing technique and grounding techniques.
3. Stay away from defeatist remarks like, "What did I do now?" Why is this happening again?" What is wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you. You are being re-triggered.
4. Shift your mindset from "I thought I dealt with this already" to "What is going on that I need to attend too right now" and enter the situation with curiosity and desire to actually learn.
What continues to be revealed is the direct link between our emotional and physical bodies. There is no doubt that cellular/emotional stress alters one's functioning. Today, I accept the fact that this little body withstood so much trauma and pain pre-gestation, how could a dis-ease not manifest itself in some form. I sit in the joy and gratitude for this profound recognition.
Each and every one of us has the choice to turn our-selves around and be empowered. This is the key to healing and transformation and you are holding the key.
A GIFT TO PASS FORWARD:
All of you MATTERS. Your ability to respond and refocus is your finest healing tool.
Sit in gratitude that your body will protect you from dis-ease by reminding you to be in your awareness. Take a look around at your current emotional environment and refocus/shift the way you show up minimizing the trauma effect on your physical body.
Feel enlivened that your body-mind-connection has gifted you this awareness.
Listen and hear what your body (emotional, psychologic, mental, physical, spiritual) is sharing with you.
Increase your conscious awareness and respond proactively.
Questions to ponder:
What part of your body shows up as your messenger to remind/inform you that you are out of alignment or being triggered?
What do you do to respond in a proactive fashion to maintain your healthy balance?
Are you willing to be in the deep dive of conscious awareness (it becomes automatic when it's rooted in curiosity) so you can shift from fight/flight into calm?
Are you willing to give permission for your body to be at rest.
It’s in your hands